


(not) on-fireboy and amazing-watergirl

by itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualday)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Crack, Gen, M/M, Secret Identity, fuck gender roles, no beta we die like men, this can be read as romantic or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-07-31 21:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20122180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmyusualday/pseuds/itsmyusualphannie
Summary: amazing-watergirl is out on his daily patrol when he hears a scream. who could it be! (it is a very unimpressed civilian). then his best friend on-fireboy calls him. on-fireboy desperately needs to be rescued! (from his very unimpressed parents).3rd place for Best Fic to Make You Laugh in the 2019 phanfic awards





	(not) on-fireboy and amazing-watergirl

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for the fandom games in a frantic burst of writing at 2am and Was Not Beta-ed so don't expect anything good

Phil stood majestically on the edge of an apartment building. His blue cape flapped dramatically behind him. His hair, whipped about by the breeze this high up, was a quiffed mess. Below him, the streets of London were a bustling mess of cars and pedestrians.

A pigeon landed on the roof beside Phil’s feet. It cooed at him.

“Why, hello!” said Phil. He smiled at the bird.

It pooped on his shoes and then flew away, one of its feather whirling into Phil’s face. He sneezed violently, then swiped at his face. “Rude.”

The feather swirled toward the pavement far below. Phil watched it fall.

Someone screamed, a high, shrill pitch of terror.

“Finally!” said Phil. He coughed. “Er, I mean, oh no!” With that, he leapt off the side of the apartment complex. His cape rushed around him as he fell a few dozen feet, and then he was flying, surging through the air at an unbelievable speed. He followed the scream, a beacon of sound that led him toward an alley a few blocks away. Clearing the edge of the building, he slowed and hovered for a moment until he spotted two figures below. One was clearly a mugger, brandishing a large knife toward a civilian.

Phil dropped like a stone. The concrete cracked beneath his feet when he landed. “Give in, villain!” he said grandly. He took a step toward the wide-eyed mugger and promptly tripped over a piece of trash.

“Wow,” said the civilian, unimpressed.

Disgruntled, Phil grabbed the piece of trash and chucked it into the nearest trash bin. He dusted his hands off and turned back toward the mugger and their victim.

The mugger was gone.

“Good job,” said the civilian, slowly clapping three times. “Truly remarkable. What a shame you were defeated by your greatest nemesis - the mighty burger wrapper.”

“Pollution is a problem,” said Phil, offended.

“True,” the civilian agreed. “But I’m fine now. Thanks.” They turned and left.

“You’re welcome!” Phil called after them. He frowned and glanced around. “Well. Now what?”

_ Bzzt_, said his pocket.

Phil slapped his ass, then retrieved his phone from his pocket. “Huh, I thought I’d left you at home.” He glanced at the screen, then raised the phone to his ear, answering it. “Hey On-Fireboy, what’s up? Oops, I mean, Dan.”

There was a loud, nervous laugh from the other end. “What? Hahaha. You’re so funny, Phil. I’m Dan - not On-Fireboy.”

“Am I on speaker?” Phil wondered.

“Yes, with _ my parents_.”

“Oh, hey Dan’s parents!” Phil said.

Dan took him off speaker. There was an inaudible reply from Dan’s mum. Dan chuckled loudly again. “Yes, it would be hilarious if I was On-Fireboy, wouldn’t it? That’d make Phil the infamous hero Amazing-Watergirl, wouldn’t it?”

Phil laughed too, probably too high-pitched. “Funny!” he said. He brushed away the bottom of his cape, which had landed unevenly on his shoulder when he’d landed earlier.

“_Anyway_,” said Dan. “Uh, I was just calling to make sure the party starts at six.”

“What party?” Phil frowned.

“Great, just calling to check!” said Dan.

“Oh, you’re just making it up so you can get away from your parents,” Phil realized.

“Yes, I’ll definitely bring the chips,” Dan agreed.

“Want to go on patrol?” Phil asked. “It’s boring by myself. I’ve only halfway saved one civilian since I started this morning, and it’s already almost three.”

“Sure, I can come early to help set up,” said Dan, then, muffled, “Sorry, Mum, Dad, I have to go help Phil. See you both later!” He returned to the phone. “Cool, I’ll be right over!”

“Okay!” said Phil, but Dan had already hung up. Phil returned the phone to his pocket, then he bent his knees, tensing, and leapt high into the sky. The air rushed around him as he shot upwards. He slowed once he cleared the highest building around him, turning as he flew skywards. It took a few long moments, but then, in the distance to his right, he could see a flash of fiery colour. The ball of fire arched high into the sky, splashing a red tint against the windows that it passed, and hurtling toward Phil.

Phil didn’t flinch as it flew closer, then halted startlingly fast right before it would hit him.

“Hi,” said the living wall of flame. It looked vaguely like a person.

“Hey, Dan,” said Phil. “That was fast.”

“I literally chucked myself out the window as soon as they couldn’t see me,” Dan said. Smoke drifted from his mouth every time he spoke. The features of his face were indistinguishable beneath the crackling fire. “They drive me insane.”

“So, patrol?” Phil offered. He began moving slowly forward in the air, hovering in a vaguely directional movement.

“Yes.” Dan drifted beside him, his flames warming Phil. “Also, how do you halfway save someone?”

Phil waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Hmm, sure.”

“Oh, hey,” Phil realized. “I need to drop my phone off back at our apartment. Don’t want to accidentally break it in a fight.”

They both zoomed through the air until they reached their apartment, which was halfway across the entire city. It only took a few minutes.

Phil had to wipe his face once they landed on the balcony of their apartment, twelve stories high in the air. “Ew,” he said. “Bugs.”

The fire over Dan’s body flickered, then faded away. He was completely naked. His clothes were not fire-retardant. “My fire burns away bugs,” he said smugly.

“Ew,” Phil said again, pulling a moth from his ear and regarding it with morbid curiosity. “How did that even get in there?”

“I think you should rebrand as Bugboy,” Dan suggested. “Since you’re always complaining about bugs. And collecting them on your face.”

Phil pouted. “No, I’m Amazing-Watergirl! Water powers!” He demonstrated with a flick of his hand. A tiny fountain of water geysered from his palm, arching into the air and splattering against the floor of the balcony.

Dan glanced at it unappreciatively. “Yeah, sure.”

Phil sighed and opened the balcony door to their living room. They never bothered locking it - not only did they use it almost as often as their actual front door, but there also wasn’t anyone who could get twelve stories in the air to break in. He waved for Dan to enter before him. “Ladies first,” he said, smirking.

Dan smirked right back and stepped inside, curls tousled and ass bared.

“Lady door,” Phil muttered consideringly.

Dan turned around. He pointed a finger at Phil. “Never speak again.”


End file.
